Episode 7: Daddy Shark Do Do De Do De Do

Episode Summary
Continuing where the party have set off to Tarima on the Dream Wave. The ship is sailing at a relatively fast pace and they can see the clear seas of the Sargama Ocean. All the party members are rather familiar with the ocean but Yrsa knows since she’s ‘not the best sailor.’ she’s wearing her flotation device made out of her spare pants like a life vest.

The party members are also familiar with naval warfare and can see that the vessel they’re on is a military ship that has been converted to carry cargo. There are no ballistas or large rams to catch on to another vessel, but the ship has been rigged to go faster and to carry more cargo. The party are welcome on the ship and they meet a tall, iridescent parrot captain. He is beautiful blue, plumed up to the breast and has a white shirt covered with a jaunty waist coat pinned with various medals. He has long, green tail feathers that touch the floor. ‘I’m Prakaw. Welcome! You made it!’ he says to the party, in a distinct parrot voice. Captain Prakaw introduces his First Mate, Watana who is a human male with a shaved head and a sailor’s cap.

Ellen awkwardly asks Yrsa how she operates as she is the same rank as Yrsa. Yrsa says that she is the commanding officer and the other 3 are part of her command. Prakaw explains that they only have 3 cabins allocated for her down in the ship below and the rest are berths for the crew. So 1 cabin will go to Yrsa, 1 will go to Ellen, and 1 additional cabin to go to anyone of Yrsa’s choosing. Else the rest of the crew get hammocks or floor or anywhere else. The party are to keep away from the linesmen, there is no on deck work required of them unless they face any trouble from enemies.

Yrsa asks Prakaw what were the creatures that attacked them earlier. Prakaw says they’re a kind of ‘Foatua’, he struggles with pronouncing the word and just calls them ‘Fish People’ but he also says he thinks he saw Sahuagin aka ‘Shark People’. ‘Ha. Haa~’ says Yrsa, trying to process. She asks if this common behaviour of Sahuagin as there were sea creatures attacking from the forest and beach. Prakaw isn’t sure as the sea creatures are usually known to stay further South, they tend to look for unwary travellers or groups of merchants who don’t have a means to protect themselves. But they don’t tend to show up in organized armies as they’re raiders. Another thing that is concerning is that Fish People don’t have lungs so how do they blow horns? He will leave it as a mystery for now but probably the Fish People were in command by others.

Barra offers a cracker to Prakaw innocently. Prakaw looks at Barra in a moment of silence and disgust. ‘Please let my men do their job and let me do mine and we will be rid of you at our destination. Thank you for your time’ and walks away. The First Mate looks at Barra, and all the other party members. ‘Well ah, there must be something special about you lot, but I insist you must be really fucking stupid.’ He tells them to look for him if they need anything and don’t bother the captain since they started off on such a bad foot already.

‘What a great idea Barra.’ Says Kaman in a stage whisper. Kie rolls her eyes and tries to look away from Barra. Watana shakes his head in disgust and walks away. While Kaman tries to educate Barra in what he did wrong, Yrsa prompts the party to go down and find their quarters in the cabins below deck. ‘Also Barra, don’t offer him any more crackers. Just don’t offer him food ok’ Chides Yrsa, shaking her head. Barra says he won’t but is still bewiled by what happened.

The ship has 2 high decks, the steer is on one end where the captain steers the ship and there is a navigator next to him. Above is a small mast, a main mast in the middle deck which is on lower deck, there are 2 sets of stairs that go down to the main deck, there’s 2 sets of steps that go up to a fore deck that goes to a prow. Below deck is quite dark and cramped. There is a simple mess with pots and pans on the right of the corridor as they go down, on the left are open cabin doors.

They meet the young half-orc sailor boy from earlier who greets them. Yrsa says hello casually and the party learn that his name is Tim. Yrsa asks Tim to show them the quarters which he does and there about 9 hammocks on the side. He says the cabin at the end is the ship’s surgeon and she’s not to be disturbed unless there’s a problem, he also points them to where the chef and bosun are usually found if needed. Kaman asks if there are lockers on board and Tim says there are storage areas, but they have no locks on them.

‘What kind of ship were you on before?’ asked Yrsa casually. Kaman and Barra ‘Ah.’ In unison. ‘Barra and I had erm… exchanges with the captain too.’ Says Kaman sheepishly. ‘Barra and captains…’ he does a hand wave motion like ‘not too good.’ ‘But I don’t understand, I just offered him a snack! Does he not like crackers?’ says Barra puzzled. Tim winces ‘Oh dear, you actually offered him a cracker?’ ‘See won’t you like a cracker?’ says Barra. Tim takes the cracker. Tim explains ‘you know how people have parrots and to tame the parrot they offer crackers, so what would it be like us, it’ll be like a monkey.’ He elaborates ‘can you imagine if you waved ‘monkey want a banana, monkey want a banana’ in front of the ship’s captain? Would he take it?’ It doesn’t click in Barra’s mind however. ‘…do you have a banana?’ ‘I think he would take it. I think Barra would take it’ says Kie flatly. The situation turns awkward. ‘I understood, and thank you.’ Says Kie nodding.

Tim says he’s going to get back to learning to read. Barra boasts that he read many books and plays back in his school days. Tim says that the surgeon Afena is teaching him. ‘I want to be just like Afena!’ he says proudly.

The party also learns the bosun is called Petola. Barra says he wants to play cards and have a few drinks with Petola when he’s off duty. Tim says he likes to play too but ‘one time, we even used real money’. Yrsa asks what do they play with if it isn’t real money. Tim says they would use little shells or knick knacks instead. Yrsa and Barra call Tim a ‘good boy’ but Tim says he’s actually almost a man. So Yrsa and Barra change to ‘You’re a good ‘almost man’.’

Tim says they can take 2 cabins on the left side to rest. Kaman wants to give up his space to Tim as he’s fine on a hammock, it was originally his cabin. Barra will keep Kaman company and will take a hammock too. Yrsa warns the party that maybe they should just follow what is allocated to them and not get any more trouble with the sailors and crew. Barra says he’ll hangout with the sailors while Kaman can take the cabin. Barra says he’s comfortable with them anyway.

Yrsa takes a look at the cabins. It’s a single bed in a room that’s decent sized. There’s also a drawer under the bed so they can put some gear in. There’s also a chair and table. There is space for another person to lie down but the door could hit them. ‘I’m happy to share a room with you and sleep on the floor’ says Kie to Yrsa. ‘It’s ok, we’re small, the bed is big enough for the both of us!’ says Yrsa. ‘I know you’re a ‘swinging monk’ but I’m your ranking officer, I’m not going to do that to you.’ Kie agrees and thanks Yrsa for her assurance.

Barra says he’ll take the hammock and offers the room to Kaman. Yrsa tells Barra to be friendly with the sailors, ‘Start with the lowest ranking ones and work your way up. Don’t bother them now but wait for them to go on break first.’ Barra still doesn’t understand what he did wrong with offering Prakaw a snack ‘Please don’t do that again.’ Chides Kie and Yrsa echoes too. They tell Kaman to please keep an eye on Barra.

Kaman finishes unpacking his things and goes back on deck. He looks up at the flag that’s flying on the ship, he can’t quite see it but it’s obviously not the Namandan Union or any of the trading partners he’s familiar with. Kaman decides to ask a sailor that’s not too busy. This sailor has a humanoid face but some feather plumage. ‘This flag is one of the smaller merchants of the western part, its fine.’ Kaman asks how safe this route is. The sailor looks at him and goes ‘I presume you can swim.’ He then says that they will sail in such a way to avoid any pirates and to reach Tarima as quickly and safely as possible. Kaman asks the sailor to point out who bosun Petola is. The sailor points in the distance to a small dark skinned halfling woman grabbing rope and coiling it and yelling commands to another doing the same.

Kaman goes back to the party in their cabin and update them about bosun Petola. Barra asks if he could talk to Petola as he’s ‘good to talking to women’, Yrsa tells him to only do so during her break. ‘She does seem like a really busy person though’ cautions Kaman. Barra says he’ll go gather intel with the other sailors. He eyes Kaman and touches an index finger to his nose. Kaman shrugs and doesn’t understand this gesture. Yrsa whispers to Kie to keep an eye on Barra. ‘…really..?’ she groans. Barra clarifies that they’re not supposed to say anything about the princess in which everyone says ‘No no nono’ and echoes. ‘Protect the chest!’ says Kie remembering the codeword. Barra acknowledges and wants to go up to the deck. The party realize they don’t have ‘the decoy chest’ because Ellen is busy putting one together. They decide to go see Ellen about it.

The party find Ellen in her cabin sitting on her bed, taking things out of her bag. ‘Well that was quite the excitement wasn’t it?’ she asks them. Barra talks about the attack of the Sea People but Ellen doesn’t think it’s truly relevant to their mission. Barra explains about Kaman’s hunch about the sea than gets derailed about talking about fish trying to play instruments ‘I remember giving my horn to a fish once and there was no sound! I was sorta like pressing the fish’s stomach and it went bloo bloo bloo and there was no sound!’ Ellen agrees that there is some sort of relevance that the enemy was after the party because of their mission (right up till the 2nd half about fish playing horns). Ellen says she was on the ground aiding the sailors but basically saw 3 distinct type of enemies: 1 was the savage human person in light armor, 2nd was the fish men that the party had dispatched, and the 3rd group were darker and more heavily armored ones that could use swords. She is unfamiliar with the ‘Foatua’ fish people as she mostly deals with the civilized land dwelling races.

‘It’s weird that they can use swords but not blow instruments!’ says Barra ‘But you don’t need to blow into a sword…?’ says Ellen puzzled. ‘It’s a completely different set of skills!’ says Yrsa. ‘Do you think the captain could blow into a horn?’ says Barra ‘I really wouldn’t want to ask him that question.’ Says Yrsa, Kie echoes in agreement. Ellen says she’ll try to iron things out with the captain on their behalf. Yrsa says she would come with Ellen as she feels that it is only right to take responsibility for her men’s actions.

Barra asks if they could have the decoy chest, in which Ellen says ‘Ah!’ and reaches for it and places it on the bed. It is a small 15-20cm rosewood, inlaid chest. Inside is soft velvet and a mirror piece. ‘Ah! A mirror! Don’t look at it!’ jokes Barra. Yrsa shuts her eyes tight, still traumatised by previous incidents. Kaman quietly checks to see if anyone outside the room is listening in to their conversation but finds that no one is around. Ellen says she has their cloaks, dye, any other disguise kit related things they need too. Barra asks if is it better if he holds on to the chest or Ellen does. She says it doesn’t really matter who takes it. Barra also asks if they have to pretend to transport anything. Ellen says they could ‘practice pretending’ but else the captain knows a great deal about the mission while the crew just know what they need to know. ‘From now on, it’s all about protecting.. the cheeessttt~’ says Yrsa.

Ellen asks if they have anything of value they could put in the box. Yrsa and Barra say no, Kaman just puts a single piece of Intan in the box to give off a dull magic aura. Ellen says probably not a good idea as its not of value and recommends placing something of value that they aren’t using, else they could just find something at Tarima and put it in the chest. Yrsa pulls out a necklace and says ‘This is the fang from my very first pet, Snofold. He was a good boy. No no! We could use the locket!’ As the party discuss, Yrsa passes the locket to Ellen to take a look. ‘This would certainly qualify, and it radiates a certain level of magic.’ she says. Yrsa does a thumbs up. Barra takes the locket and decides to draw a fish on the sheath of wheat with lipstick with the intention to hide the emblem. Kaman smears a bit of Intan on the side of the box as well. Ellen says whatever it is, the box is now considered a curios and should be fine.

It will take about 8 days to get to Tarima. It is currently mid afternoon on day 1. Yrsa decides she’ll try to read her book of strength that she obtained in the blue dome room. Kaman decides to meditate in his room and ask why was he was so disturbed by those sea creatures earlier. Barra decides he’ll go above deck to sing a song and make friends with the sailors in the evening.

Kie heads up to the crow’s nest with the intention to still herself. She meets the lookout named Praz who sticks an arm out and shakes hands. They share pleasantries and Kie asks him if she could play her pan flute. He doesn’t mind so she begins playing. Unfortunately, she’s not very good at it… After 5 minutes, Praz says ‘Umm..right, do you know how to do a look out’s job?’ he asks. ‘I’d love to learn!’ says Kie cheerfully. ‘Right, so you look out. You look around everywhere, you look around, and you look back, and you see that over that over there? And right, that’s your job.’ And Praz comes down from the crow’s nest leaving Kie alone. ‘Yell out if you hear anything!’ he says. Kie sighs and plays more of her pan flute, alone. Kie looks out for about half an hour and there is no incident.

After a few hours, a guy down below calls out to Praz to take over his shift. Kie says hello and that she took over Praz’s shift a while back. Oros, the next look out, tells Kie perhaps she should come down and let him take over. He takes out his spyglass and looks into the distance. Kie very skilfully comes down from the lookout, casually grabbing on rope, and swinging herself downwards almost with the agility of a monkey without the intention of impressing anyone.

It is now evening and time for Barra’s performance, unfortunately it is raining heavily. Barra plays his lute and sings a parody of ‘Beyond the Sea’. The sailors absolutely love it, as they’re finishing up their chores and preparing the ship for night. They are quite entranced by it all! The bosun Petola is somewhat busy but seems to have enjoyed the tune. The cook is sort of standing in the doorway preparing a meal and half listening in. People are certainly appreciative of the performance! Barra sort of half apologizes and is glad that the sailors liked his ‘show’ in a kind of ‘aw shucks, you’re too kind!’ kind of way. Barra asks the sailors if they would like to play a game of Poker. Lots of sailors kind of give disapproving looks and say they don’t play that game on the ship, but else, Barra is very friendly with the sailors and generally wants to get on well with them. He particularly goes over to the navigator on the upper deck to see what he can learn. He drags the party with him.

Barra learns the navigator’s name is Amnir, a rather irritable Gnome. Yrsa knows that Gnomes are not particularly common in Urtu but more common than Elves. They are not regularly found in communities and tend to hide themselves away. The Gnomes and Elves ‘buggered off’ during the Cataclysm and the Gnomes went off to the wild places and the Elves went into the shadows. Gnomes would be considered in the same category of creatures like the Yokai that have showed up more in the last few hundred years, some have reinserted themselves back into society.

Barra cheerfully says hello, introduces Kaman and says they were both former sailors and wondered if they could help in any way. Amnir looks up, there’s also a helmsman who’s standing over the huge ship’s wheel trying to maintain their course. The helmsman says hello and identifies herself as Marida. Barra says hello and praises Amnir for doing a fantastic job navigating. Amnir takes the compliment hesitantly. Before him is a bunch of charts for the next 500 miles of their journey which outlines the Marabanda and the way to Tarima. Barra doesn’t see anything particularly interesting about the charts, just some maritime obstacles are highlighted. ‘I hope we’re not intruding’ says Kaman sheepishly. Kie is shirking in a corner trying not to be too close to them.

‘Hey, that’s a rock’. Says Barra, pointing out something on the chart. Amnir and Marida squint at Barra and don’t answer. Just then, there is a large clomping sound and Barra, Kaman and Kie look up to see a large bovine face.

‘Could I help?’ he says in a deep bass voice. Barra says hello and chats with the minotaur creature, heaping praise on the crew for making them feel safe and welcome. The minotaur creature thanks Barra but says perhaps it’s better if the 3 of them go back below to the main deck and not interrupt the navigator and helmsman from doing their job. Barra says that he understands and that if they need his help as navigator, he’s around, or Kie is pretty good and agile and could do look out, and Kaman can ‘do stuff’ too. The minotaur thanks Barra for the offer but they’ve got this covered, he asks them to perhaps get some rest and they’ll be alright up here. Yrsa notices that the big minotaur creature is probably the guard and muscle for the helm’s defence in case they are attacked. The minotaur introduces himself as Sambrim, but everyone calls him ‘Happy’.

As the party walk back to the main deck, Kaman decides to show everyone the Stone Lion figure. ‘See, this sigil on it is a ‘command word’’ ‘Hee hee command word’ snorts Barra, noticing the pun with Kaman’s name. Kaman continues that the command words to activate the creature are ‘miao miao’ and he displays this text as a silent image. And if you say the words and release the stone lion immediately, it will turn into a lion. ‘AND if you don’t release it, you’ll be holding a BIG FAT LION IN YOUR HAND!’ declares Barra. Kaman explains that the lion will be able to speak Common, it will understand the party’s instructions and it can see in the dark and invisible creatures. If its hurt enough, it will turn back into a stone lion figure. It can only be used once every 7 days. If you do use it, it can’t be activated again till another 7 days. It will active only for 6 hours. Kaman says he’ll keep the figure for now until anyone needs to use it.

Barra asks the party if they should come up with names for their cover. They go back to Ellen under deck. Kaman says he’ll be ‘Sandiego’. Barra gives a thumbs up and says its pretty creative. Yrsa doesn’t know what to call herself, Kaman suggests ‘Lenni’, Yrsa agrees because most of the time people can’t tell if she’s male or female so she’s cool with ‘Lenni’. Kie tries to think of a name with Barra trying to mouth names from Kie’s name but it’s an awkward moment. Kie will call herself ‘Kiki’. Barra says he wants a title and will be called ‘Lord Bowser.’ Ellen inserts that ‘Wouldn’t it be odd for a Lord to be a cavern guard…?’ They decide upon ‘Baron Bowser’ as Barra’s cover name.

Kaman will be ‘Sandy’, Barra will be ‘Baron’, Kie will just call herself ‘Melissa’ instead and Yrsa will be ‘Lenni’. Ellen asks who will be the leader, in which Barra, Kaman and Kie all point to Yrsa. ‘What what why are all these fingers pointing at me, don’t you know when you point the finger, 3 fingers point back at yourself, ha?!’ Barra declares Kaman be the leader instead, but Kaman doesn’t quite know what that entails and what he would do. ‘Nothing, just talk to people’ says Yrsa ‘Yeah and stop being such a wanker.’ Inserts Barra.

Barra needs to come up with a disguise for Kaman, in which he wraps a turban cloth badly around his face till only his eyes remain. ‘Well that looks like the genie from Aladdin had a head accident.’ Says Ellen matter of factly. Yrsa says maybe they can work on something better as if Kaman wants to talk to be people now he’ll just sound like ‘mmf mmf’. Ellen asks if there was anything else they needed and the party say no need and excuse themselves. With that, Ellen just does a ‘batman swoosh’ and vanishes.

Barra offers to help Kaman disguise as the turban thing is clearly not working and no one can understand a single thing that’s coming out of his mouth. In the mean time, Barra chooses to continue reading his strategy book, Yrsa also plans to cram the book of strength over the 7 days journey.

The first night passes without any incident. In the morning, the party wakes to hear a yell from the look out after they have their breakfast. ‘Ship Ahoy! Ship Ahoy!’ he yells. The captain and the first mate push pass a few sailors to take a look. The first mate runs to the front deck and pulls out a spyglass. There is a ship spotted off to the west of their current position. Kaman stands at the rail and squints into the horizon but he can’t see anything. He asks Barra if can see anything as its too far. Kie is up in the crow’s nest. Yrsa has just been staying in her room to read her book, when she hears the cry, she inflates her ‘pants vest’ life jacket and readies her axe and shield. The ship is a fair distance away however, as some time passes, the ship is a bit nearer than previous but its not really coming towards them. That ship is traveling on its own course while the Dream Wave is sort of tacking along and steering. The other ship however appears to be a warship.

Kie sees from the crow’s nest an outline of a warship galley. The flag looks similar to the one on their own ship. It is a lustrous deep maroon color with a gilt golden edge to it. The Dream Wave flag is a quartered flag with 1 square being the same deep maroon color. But else Kie can’t tell anything else.

A few hours past again, the wind changes and the Dream Wave carries on with their business, the other ship just moves away. Yrsa realizes that nothing has happened so she deflates her pants life jacket and goes back to reading. The crew relax and continue about their duties but relieved that it was nothing serious.

On day 2, Barra decides to craft a disguise for Kaman. He dyes and sews a new outfit for him, Kaman currently has on mismatched clothing. Barra says he’ll dye Kaman’s hair. Kaman insists he can use a turban or a headband to cover the gem on his forehead. Barra grabs Kaman’s spare shirts/ tunics from Ellen and tears them up. He decides to dye the outfits and dye Kaman’s hair. ‘Does this mean I can’t wash my hair anymore..’ says Kaman ‘Ah no, you just have to wait 2 days for the dye to set in’. Barra dyes Kaman’s hair. It however looks like a trial run; the colors are not so consistent and things look patchy. ‘Are you sure you’ve done this before? Why is it itching so bad?’ asks Kaman. ‘Ah you just have got sensitive skin!?’ says Barra. Kaman does not look too happy. ‘Be a man! You’re our leader now!’ says Barra slapping his back. Kaman does have frosted tips in his hair that look very 90s Justin Timberlake. It’s not quite Kaman’s look but its passable. Yrsa runs into Kaman and gets a shock. ‘I’m supposed to be your leader…?’ says Kaman, pointing to his hair. He then wears the headband to cover his gem. Barra is able to consistently dye the clothes a different color with no problem. With that, everyone goes to sleep for the evening.

A number of hours pass, Yrsa finishes reading her book. Kaman is deep in meditation when he hears a sound from outside the boat. It is a scrabbling sound. Something is climbing up the outside of the ship. He sticks his head out of the porthole to see a creature’s rear end of what looks like a spiny tail as it crawls onto the deck. Kaman grabs a shield and a spear and yells ‘WE’RE BEING BOARDED! TO ARMS! TO ARMS!’ He rushes upstairs onto deck.

Yrsa and Kie are fast asleep in bed when they feel the blessing of an unknown god upon them. They hear a scream and Kaman’s yelling. They hear the deck bell being rang loudly and furiously. Kie races on deck and finds herself at the helm. The navigator and helmsman are both drawing their weapons and readying themselves. A creature pulls itself on deck near them. Kie also spots 2 hunched over creatures that are heavily scaled. Dark blue-grey spines grows out of them like chitinous armor out of their shoulders. They have boney protrusions on their chest that form an armored cage. One brandishes a large sword and one smiles, its mouth full of razor sharp teeth. Kie waves her hands and pulls water from the sea to form a large whip and lashes at the nearest shark creature. It reels slightly from the smack and looks over seeing Kie.

Below deck, Barra sees the sailors tear themselves from their hammocks, arm themselves with basic bits of armor. The cook rushes out of the front of the ship and readies himself. He is armed only with a cleaver and a heavy leather apron.

‘Happy, now’s the time to wake up! Happy~ Now, because I’m not letting go of this wheel!!’ yells Marida the helmsman. ‘Shark man! Shark man!’ screeches the lookout and he fires a bolt into the nearest target but misses.

A shark man holding a sword, looks around and spots Kie. It rushes forward and slashes Kie with its coral blade, she winces taking the first hit but dodges its second slash. Another Shark man slices into the cook who yelps but guards against its second attack with his cleaver. The shark man whom Kie attacked with the water whip, vaults over Kie and swipes her twice in the chest with its taloned hands. Another shark man, rushes into the cook and smacks him hard. He struggles to stand, wounds oozing with blood. The 2 shark man smile and hiss, one of them tastes the cook’s blood and grins further.

The bosun calls out to the cook and rushes up to his position. Kaman gets on deck, sees Kie fighting but runs pass her to the left of the ship. He hexes the shark man to the left of Kie to help her out. A shark man cleric forms a beautiful ball of water which lances out at Kaman but Kaman’s orbiting gem suddenly shoots out to interject the spell which nullifies it by ‘eating it’. Kaman whispers a quick ‘thank you’ to Eijnar.

Yrsa is still shaking the sleep from herself, she comes to and grabs her axe and shield. The navigator Amnir casts a lighting bolt at the sharks but they jump out of the way in time. The ship’s surgeon

Afena and the first mate rush out on deck. Kie and Kaman see, to their horror, a monstrous Shark creature that’s twice the size of the regular sharks, heave itself onto deck. It laughs menacingly in a deep voice ‘You’ve strayed into the territory of Sagula! Your flesh is ours! We shall play with our food!’ It is absolutely unattractive and awful to the eyes. The boss shark casts its massive trident at Kaman and it slams into him hard. Kaman has a brief flashback of the moment he remembered ‘The Sea is Dangerous, why don’t we go by land instead?’ time flashes back to present time where he’s holding the trident that’s zapped into him ‘Why don’t they ever listen!?’ he groans.

Barra rushes on deck and sees the cook barely alive but still standing. He sees the giant shark boss and yells ‘OH FUCK!’ 1 of the sharks is taunting the cook, hissing away and 1 of them is licking blood off his wounds. He decides to cast a hypnotic pattern where he can see the shark boss tower above. The shark boss looks around and sees a flash. The shark mage that cast the water lance prior is now enthralled by the hypnotic pattern of Barra’s fish riding a musical note sigil that only it can see.

Barra senses for some reason that Kie is getting hurt pretty bad so sings a hurried parody of ‘Rock Star’ to Kie as bardic inspiration. Barra quickly stoops back down the stairs to remove himself from combat. Ellen looks up from Barra’s position and whispers ‘This…looks like a shit show doesn’t it?’ She pulls out her wand and aims it at one of the shark man harassing Kie, a burst of 4 magic missiles fly out in a starburst cluster and zap into the nearest shark man.

‘GET THE FUCK OFF THIS DECK!!’ roars Happy, slamming his shield and hammer together. ‘WELL COME ON THEN! Time to get happy!’ he hunkers down near the helmsman and navigator.

A shark man from across Kaman belts towards him. It stares into Kaman with a complete look of hatred, intending to tear him to pieces. It makes a grapple attack but Kaman blocks its way with a trident on the ground and feints out of the way.

Kie pulls out her sword and slashes at the left shark man that’s trying to flank her. She slices into its mid-section than whirls round and does a stunning strike, blocking the flow of ki in the shark man’s body. The shark looks up puzzled, sort of looks like it had a great massage, but the attack didn’t seem to work as intended. She quickly misty steps up to the rigging, hanging upside down near the lookout.

The sailors are armed and standing at the stairs, they see Barra and Ellen hiding in cover just outside. ‘Well, what shall we do then?’ asks one of them. ‘CHARGE BOYS!’ yells Barra, but the nearest one says ‘…after you then.’ Barra then takes a deep breath and says ‘Right, you’re all going to charge upstairs to the 2nd level, you’re going to beat up the big bad that’s there and you’ll know NO FEAR!’ One sailor rushes out screaming and gets slashed by the nearest shark man. ‘You took one for the team! Good job!’ The sailors stand before the giant beast, terrified, armed only with reinforced wooden clubs.

The cook spits blood from his lips and pulls out a hip flask hidden in his apron. He yanks the cork out with his teeth and takes a deep chug. He looks somewhat restored in health and moves away to allow Barra to flank the Shark man more easily. The look out fires more long bow shots but misses at the shark man down at Kie.

Petola the bosun shoves Barra out the way. Armed with a hammer she smashes the nearest shark man in the chest, it hefts and snarls at her. ‘RAWK, THE FUCK!’ screeches the parrot captain from below deck, just waking from sleep.

Another shark man runs over to the enthralled shark mage and shouts something before smacking her to shake her out of her stupor.

Kaman looks up to see a big mast and billowing sails. He spins around and thunder waves the attacking shark man but it hunkers down and braces itself enough that it doesn’t fall off the ship.

The Shark mage shakes her head and casts ‘fear’ upon the sailors who are attempting to attack the boss shark. Barra also feels this horrifying fear of being ignored, he imagines his 6 pac succumbing to age. He cowers and drops to the ground.

Yrsa, finally getting herself together, races up the stairs to the helm. She sees 1 shark man and yells ‘*LAN JIAO! PEOPLE TRYING TO SLEEP, CAN OR NOT!?!?’ and recklessly slashes it. ‘YOU WANT SOME OF THIS?!’ she roars into its injured face.

Amnir the navigator takes a misty step near Kie and hurls a lighting bolt at the shark men. Watana the first mate barrels out and attacks the nearest shark man near Yrsa. Afena the ship’s surgeon sees Barra cowering, she gently reaches out and touches his shoulder murmuring something under her breath. Barra feels that his abs are still.. there, his terror lifts. A sense of encouragement and courage fills him ‘With these abs and pecs, I can do anything!’ Afena says she’s not really a fighter but she will do what she can to help. Barra tells her that Kie is hurt bad and so is the cook.

Kaman, Kie and Barra see that the giant shark grabs 2 terrified sailors in its monstrous hands and bites down hard into one of them. All they see left is just a sailor’s midsection. He throws the other terrified sailor to the end of the ship’s bow who scrambles and tries to hide like a cornered mouse.

Barra, filled with courage, gets on deck and casts another hypnotic pattern that catches the big bad shark and its minions. He waves his hands and the image of a fish riding a musical note charms the shark men, Barra also sings a parody of ‘You are Sailing’ but instead ‘You are Failing’. The shark creatures, including the giant boss shark, sway to the tune, enthralled.

‘KAMAN, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, ITS TIME FOR THOSE SPIKEY GROVE THINGS?!’ yells Barra. Barra then sings ‘Karma Chameleon’ but uses Kaman’s name instead to inspire him. Barra wonders if he can fix the sailor with his head torn off by the boss shark. He reasons in his mind that he probably could, he’ll find a way for sure. Ellen shoots her crossbow bolt at the nearest Shark but there’s a sound of a tension snapping, her crossbow string has snapped.

There’s a loud moo as Happy slams its heavy hammer into one of the shark creatures. There’s a squishing sound and Happy picks up the beast and flings it overboard in disgust. The shark man that survived the Thunder Wave picks up its trident and reaches back to get its sword, it slashes at Kaman but it gets tangled up in his own gear and sashes. Kaman looks at it as if saying ‘you’re doing too many things, bro’. The shark hisses back in anger.

Kie clambers back down from the rigging and goes to the shark man left of Yrsa. Kaman tries to call for help from Kie but is sadly ignored. She double slices into the shark man with her sword and follows up with Fury of Blows but it has no effect, so she reaches inside its gills and tears into its lung membranes and pulls hard. The shark collapses to the ground, covered in its own bloody mess.

The terrified sailors run far away from the big bad shark. Barra calls to the cook who is surrounded by stupefied shark men, ‘Well ah, if you hit them they’ll wake up from their trance so…it’s up to you!’ ‘But if I run away, its ok?’ says the cook, so he steps out of their range to the middle of the ship and then to Kaman. He swings at a shark man but misses.

‘How are we doing? How are we doing?’ yells the helmsman to Happy, ‘We’re doing gooood’ says Happy in a chortled moo. Marida is trying her best to keep the rudder steady as they sail through choppy seas. 2 big, fletched arrows lodge themselves in the shark man near Kaman as the look out fires swiftly. The shark man to the right of Yrsa swings its coral blade and she winces but just growls at it in annoyance. Watana the first mate rushes over to the cook and slams his hammer at the angered shark man.

‘Moooo aaaahhhrrrg, that was surprisingly painful!’ from Happy as it reacts to an attack from one of the nearby shark man. Captain Prakaw flies onto deck and looks at his surroundings. Barra warns him not to touch any of the stupefied shark man else they will wake up. He looks over and says ‘acknowledged!’ Barra yells with joy ‘OH YEAH! HE’S TALKING TO ME AGAIN!’ ‘I’M STILL NOT TALKING TO YOU!’ shrieks back Prakaw. Prakaw looks about and throws a javelin at the shark man attacking Happy but it fails.

Kaman steps back and behind the shark man, concentrates necrotic energy into his fingers and casts inflict wounds into its back. The shark man’s back begins to shrivel and calcify like its turning into a coral substance as Kaman pulls the life out of this creature ‘Not this time’ he whispers.

Yrsa turns to the nearest shark man ‘Your friend woke me up, NOW ITS YOUR TURN TO PAY!!’ she smacks the shark hard with her axe and moves over to the other side.

‘I’m out of lightning bolts, what else have I got, what else-‘ says the navigator, he then casts a large green spike which flies at the shark man near Happy. ‘Ohh you got em!’ praises Happy as the shark man behind him falls to the ground.

‘Hey er, look, behind you!’ taunts first mate Watana to the shark man attacking Yrsa. The shark man looks round and sees the club coming towards its legs and grabs it. Watana is shocked and the shark man grins and holds down the club. A look of fear and disgust on Watana’s face as the shark leers at him.

The party hear a kind of chanting and suddenly, the stupefied shark creatures above are covered in a diagnostic purple, outlining their contours. ‘I hope that didn’t dispel your affect!’ says Afena, who had cast Faeri Fire on them. ‘Oh no no, that’s a great idea, you’re very smart’ smiles Barra. Barra runs down the ship and yells to Afena ‘Hey uh, you’ve got really nice hair! And er, someone up ahead has a smashed head, if you could treat that, that would be great!’ Barra picks out the shark next to Kaman and insult it with Vicious Mockery. ‘Hey! Hey! You heard of mermaids? You got everything IN REVERSE! You got like the ugly head of a fish, ya know! And the legs of a human and they’re NOT EVEN NICE LEGS! LOOK AT MY LEGS! MY LEGS ARE BEAUTIFUL! AND YOUR MOTHER’S A PIECE OF SHIT!’ There’s a moment the shark man looks over and seems sad.

Barra looks over to Kie. ‘Hey, my 2nd favorite member of the party! I’m gonna use a healing word on you! The word of the day is… rutabaga!’ Kie smiles with joy and thanks Barra.

A crossbow bolt sails into the shark man near Kaman, getting it in the chest. Kaman looks over and sees its from Ellen who has repaired her crossbow. Happy grabs a nearby shark, furiously punches it in the face and hurls it across which slams into the deck. The shark man at Kaman tries to slam into him but it misses and struggles to stand. Kie sees this and moves over to Kaman’s position and slashes twice at the shark man, it reels backwards from the blows, barely alive. The cook squints and pulls out its sword ‘Why don’t you just die?!’ and slashes out at the shark man to the back of its head. It finally keels over and falls dead.

With the tide of the battle turned, Barra runs over to Kaman. ‘Kaman, try to do your spikey thing! The spikey thing you did the last time!’ ‘On them, yes but I’m out of spells!’ he answers. ‘Aw piece of shit…’ curses Barra. Kaman says he’ll back up to where Happy is and do his finger pistol Eldritch Blast. He suggests taking out their cleric in the corner. The cleric is holding a 7 foot coral staff.

Barra has this plan to run up to the cleric, take its staff away and run away without waking any of them. But Yrsa suggests maybe they leave the cleric for last since it can’t cast spells, but just everyone get into position behind the minions to take them out first. As Barra runs pass Afena, he says ‘hey, er, there’s a bunch of sailors who are really scared. So maybe leave the guy with the smashed head for a little bit and save the other guys first’ Afena asks if its safe to get above deck, ‘Aw yeh yeah I’ll protect ya.’ Says Barra. She comes on deck and says ‘I thought it was safe to come up here…?’ ‘Aw yeah, they’re all sleeping see’ says Barra, meanwhile as Yrsa is hacking away at one of the shark man.

Kie runs over to 1 of shark man minions who are stupefied near the big bad and get into position. Barra stands a distance where he can see Kie and the 2 shark minions. Afena walks behind Kie, just reaches out and touches her by the finger tips and heals her with cure wounds. Kie feels a cool, calming ocean breeze blow through her. Afena does warn she doesn’t have many of these spells left so Kie should be careful.

The shark man in front of Watana turns and slashes twice at Yrsa but they’re superficial wounds to her. Petola the bosun runs over to Kie’s position and gets ready her hammer.

The remaining shark man that was thrown against the side of the deck, picks itself up and charges the helmsman, there is a harsh scream of frustration as a large sword is passed through her shoulder. She hangs on to the wheel for life. ‘Ohhh now, you’ve done it!!’ roars Happy. Captain Prakaw drops down near the helmsman and slashes his saber at the attacking shark man, hurting it briefly. Kaman hexes the shark man near Happy, and fires Eldritch Blast at it. 2 red dots appear on the shark and bits of it are blown off, but it still stands.

Yrsa eyes the big fish in front of her’ ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!’ she screams but she ends up trading blows with the shark. Amnir the navigator forms another green arrow from his hand and slings it at the shark man near the helmsman. The shark wails as the bolt burns a hole through its chest. It falls down dead.

Kie slashes at shark man minion waking it from its stupor. Petola the bosun looks concerned now that that creature is no longer stupefied. Kaman moves over to hex the creature and double Eldritch Blast with pistol fingers. It blows off chunks of flesh from the creature.

Yrsa is still trading blows with the shark man and he’s being particularly difficult. Barra decides to sing a dissonant whispers, an off-key rendition of ‘My Heart will Go On’ to the shark man that Kie and Petola are concentrating fire on. The beast growls and struggles, trying to pull itself away from the sound. Petola slams her hammer into the back of the creature while Kie slashes it at the back of its shoulder. It screams what sounds like ‘Jaaackk~ Jaaack!’ as it pulls away to the edge of the ship. Barra sings an inspiring parody of ‘Bad Romance’ to Yrsa who he sees is still struggling with her enemy.

Happy bounds over to the middle of the ship from the helm. Afena runs over to the helmsman to treat her wounds. First mate Watana smacks the shark man attacking Yrsa in the back with his hammer and the navigator looks across to see the shark at the edge of the ship and lances it with a green bolt to death.

Barra’s plan is to concentrate fire on the other minion, take him out, than instruct Happy to take away the Shark cleric’s staff and then focus fire on it. Kie makes the first move and slashes at the other stupefied shark minion with her sword and follows up with a flurry of blows. She slaps at it with her palms and sword and nearly disjoints it at the shoulder but is unable too. The creature is very much weakened and confused. She does a victory somersault over it and lands on its other side.

Kaman takes 2 steps and Eldritch Blasts the shark from a distance but it still stands, barely alive. Then it stumbles and falls flat on its face dead. Yrsa also manages to finish off her opponent after much ‘cha-cha’ dancing. She rushes over to the front of the ship.

Barra sings an off-key rendition of ‘If You Had My Love’ as a dissonant whisper to the shark minion next to the cleric. It recoils and jumps off the edge of the ship and swims away in anguish, it says what seems like ‘Jaaack~ JLooo~’.

Happy looks over to Barra and goes ‘Haa~ Which one?’ indicating which shark to target. Barra tells him to take the staff from the cleric ‘Ohhkay’ says Happy, who pulls the coral staff off the entranced shark cleric. ‘Ooh mine!’ it says, pulling it from the shark cleric’s grasp. Barra tells Happy to kill the cleric if he can. ‘Oohkay, I want to play!’ says Happy, focusing. Coils of energy charge into its arms and it stabs the staff into the cleric’s neck, planted almost like a flagpole.

‘Happy, do you mind standing next to the big scary shark man!’ shouts Kaman ‘Ohright, I’m done’ says Happy, following as Kaman says. The shark cleric comes too and glares directly at Barra, eyes filled with hate. ‘Aw shit.’ Says Barra. The cleric points a finger at him and says at a magical tongue that Barra knows ‘BE GONE!’ Barra braces for impact with his abs. A moment passes and…Barra disappears!

Barra finds himself in the strangest of places: he’s stood on a rock and around him in all directions are ceilings and caverns as the rock he’s own travels around all these caverns around him. There are other rocks that people could be standing on but the angles don’t make sense, like its an M.C Escher painting. Barra is completely stunned. He realizes that he’s been banished.

Kie goes over to the shark cleric, ‘SMASH ITS FACE!’ yells Yrsa from a distance. Kie slashes at the creature and takes an unarmed strike. Just then, poof! Barra reappears back at the ship, slightly disturbed at the strange creatures he saw on the other rocks.

Kaman casts hex on the cleric and does Eldritch Blast twice. Its head just vaporizes and its slumps to the ground. Strangely enough, the giant shark starts noticing that its armor starts to fall apart and its skin starts to flake away. As it looks up it slowly dusts away like something out of Avengers: Infinity War as the creature is unsummoned.

‘So much for Sangula, Barra you were right!’ says Kaman. Barra describes his ‘bizarre adventure’ being banished to Kaman, about these Elf like creatures he saw. ‘Are you related to them?’ he asks ‘Not all elves are related…’ says Kaman ‘Alright…touchy touchy’ says Barra flipping Kaman off.

The party are back to their senses where they can smell the sea salt, the blood, the fishy ichor. They find themselves rather astounded that enthralled with the fact that they’re alive! It was a horrific series of things and yet here they are, stood against this as a team!

Barra looks at the sailor with the smashed head ‘come on then! Let’s heal him!’ he says optimistically. Afena the ship’s surgeon comes up to Barra ‘I’m sorry there’s nothing you can do…’ ‘Aw yeah, I asked her to come up here, you can help him right?’ says Barra still not registering. Afena shakes her head and walks away. Barra casts healing word either way by singing but finds there’s nothing for the magic to latch on to. Barra’s magic requires an audience but there’s no physical or spiritual audience to hear. Barra feels really bad, he slinks away back to his hammock down below deck.

The session ends with the rest of the party and crew accessing their wounds among them as Captain Prakaw stands over the body of the dead sailor.

END OF SESSION

Next Episode 8: Islands in the stream / I would do anything for love

Previous Episode 6: On a little clifftop village, they gambled for my soul

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Cultural Notes:

Lan Jiao - literally translates to 'rotten dick' in Hokkien.